Iniss's Speculations
by risika-dragon
Summary: Iniss realizes the dark secrets of the Bandits and Rissa, and saves the day! Sort of.


Has anyone ever noticed how Iniss 226 never has much say in any story, except ones that make him a retard. Come on, he's V3's right hand man, err, Yeerk. So, after eating a Crunch Wrap Supreme, I was inspired to write this little get-up.

Iniss isn't as dense as people think he is…well, yeah, he actually is, but STILL. If more credit was given to him, _this_ would be how the war ended.

Disclaimer: my Ani-self accidently poured sauce on this and thought it was a taco. Excuse me and my split personality. Ellie and whoever else belongs to Sinister Shadow. Are you people happy? BUT I own me and Sargimf! WAHAAHAHA!

Note: If this goes well, I'm planning to write a new Ani-series called School Days, a project that'll soar or plummet. The summary is that the Yeerks have the suspicion that the Andalites are posing as students--don't know who--and they send the most trusted group to find them. You guessed it! Rissa, Ellie, Sargimf, and Visser Three! What secrets will be uncovered? Romance? Angst?

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**Iniss's Speculations**

It was a long, dreary day at the school for the Rum Tum Tugger, well, Iniss to be exact. He had figured that since lady Yeerks--plus a few strange characters--had completely fallen for the CATS get-up, he'd find some new love in the human school, especially that rather HOOOT human female yet to be made a host. Hey, it's Iniss 226, he has weird attractions.

So there he was, in a black leotard, a striped mane and tail, and feline ears perched on his head. Needless to say, few had found him _attractive_. Well, maybe the Animal Rights group, but they creeped him out.

"Vice principal Chapman, there are some students that need to see you," the intercom whined.

"Send them in," he muttered, waving his hand lazily. Another boring day, with another boring set of troublemakers… Yawn. Why, oh why, couldn't he spend more hours hunting the elusive maiden known as Sexy Edriss, a meaningful quest compared to this listless job? "Did that Ernie Jackson kid set something on fire again?"

"Not…him… The new student."

_New_ student? Who would that…

"Like, hey Iniss! I mean, Chapman!"

"Like, that's my line, Rissa!"

The Rum Tum Tugger's eyes grew wide with horror. No, for the love of all oatmeal, it wouldn't be them! Wasn't Ellie twenty? Then again, her voice hadn't matured and she WAS short. But then, that Rissa girl was in high school, not middle. What was going on?

Following the perilous pair, were Jake Berenson and…Philip? Yeah, the retarded one with an eating disorder. Eating disorder which led him to gulping down cigarette butts out of the teacher's lounge and scrape gum off the bottom of desks. Oh, and there was Anger Management Rachel, Mr. Berenson's other cousin. How many did that human have?

"Oh, I love the costume! I thought Visser Three burned that after the party--OW!" Rissa cried, shrinking from the glare from Ellie. "Oh right, no speakie of the V-ie. Sorry. What're we in here for again?"

"You threw a cocktail bomb in my locker!" Jake roared.

"The explosion shin resulted ed in several injuries eez within the student dent body," Philip stuttered.

"What's a cocktail bomb?" Iniss asked.

"Like, you fill a bottle with like, kerosene and light like a scarf or something--" Ellie started.

"It doesn't matter! You hurt a lot of people!" Rachel snarled.

"Like, we told them to run," Ellie drawled. "Even pulled the fire alarm for like emphasis."

"That explains the fire department hosing down the parking lot earlier," Iniss mused. "Um, Rissa, would you care to explain WHY you stuck a bomb in Mr. Berenson's locker?"

Rissa shrugged helplessly in her seat. "Eh, the Fire Fairy told me to?"

"See!? She's insane!" Rachel spat.

"Yeah? Well, at least I'm not a sped like your cousin there," Rissa growled.

"Want me to darken that other eye for you?" Rachel snarled.

Iniss then noticed the scratches and bruises covering the two girls, who were back to lashing out threats. Ellie pinned the Hork-Bajir lover to the seat, while Jake and Philip vainly held Rachel against the wall. "Ladies, ladies, please don't fight. It's very immature," Iniss scolded. "Well, unless you remove your shirts first--"

Ellie sent him a look. "In--Chapman, like, do you like want to like get in trouble with the like FCC or whatever again?"

Jake, red in the face, held out a strange object in his hand. "And they were going to set this off in the cafeteria. It's another one of their bombs I'm guessing."

Philip leaned over to Rachel. "I do not believe I've witnessed issed Prince Jake this angry before."

Iniss took the object from the boy and looked it over, pursing his lips. "What is this?" He starting tapping the sides of it.

"NOOO!" Rissa and Ellie screamed.

BOOOM! A mass of red and brown liquidly substance covered Vice Principal Chapman, leaving him dazed in the seat. One of the cat ears hung crookedly and he was knocked out of the seat, clunking his head on the side of his desk.

"I told to like not bring that like chili bomb to school, Rissa!" Ellie hissed.

"Are you alright Mr. Chapman?" Rachel asked.

"I haven't felt this bad since the incident at the construction site…" Iniss murmured, eyes swirling in his skull. "The construction site… Construction site…" A sense of enlightenment hit him and he gasped, gripping his forehead. "Rachel, Jake, Philip, would you kindly leave the room?"

Confused, they did as told. Rissa and Ellie twitched nervously. Around the Yeerks, he was only an idiotic, bumbling fool of a creature. Here, at school, in the human world, he was THE MAN. He could have them scraping the Blade Ship clean with their tongues for this.

"I remember everything!" Iniss cried feebly.

"Yeah, Rissa just blasted you with Texan sauce," Ellie mumbled, forgetting to add like.

"No, no, at the construction site, where we hunted down Elfangor," Iniss shouted, alarming the girls. "There were some kids there, but we couldn't capture them. I think…I think I recognize them now."

Rissa gulped and paled. "I think I just screwed up this reality. Whoops."

"The Bandits aren't Andalites. They're just a bunch of human children of all things," Iniss cried. "The Berensons and Cassie Linden and Marco Sergont. They're all morphing teenagers. And Tobias is that bird and Philip…Philip's Aximili, Elfangor's brother."

"To like think we like thought he was like so slow," Ellie grumbled.

Iniss's eyes flashed at Rissa, boring into her. "And you knew it. You knew all along and didn't tell us, because you aren't a _Yeerk_," he said. "You must've been sent to spy on them from the Emperor."

"Look, I'm sorry for the secrets but I… What did you just say?" Rissa asked.

"Don't you DARE play dumb with me! Do I look like an idiot?" Iniss snapped, readjusting the chili smeared cat ears and tail. "You're one of the special hosts unable to contain a Yeerk, but the Emperor trained you as a bounty hunter to sniff out the human morphers. You only seemed insane because, well, you're only human."

"Iniss, that's ah… That's exactly right!" Rissa gasped.

"Like, it is?" Ellie asked, puzzled, then got roughly nudged by the dragon girl. "I mean, yeah, it is. Good job, Rissa, ow."

"Oh my stars," Iniss groaned, shaken. "I knew there was something weird with those kids, but I never imagined…"

"Rissa, I'm glad you like, filled us in," Ellie mumbled. "Ahem, like, it's like terrible. That's like why Risgon is always like so troubled with everything." She started sniffing.

"Who?" Iniss asked.

"Tom's Yeerk," Rissa explained. "The poor fool. He's been brainwashed by those evil human beasts. Luckily, the eh, Emperor, yeah, Emperor, saved me before they could do so to me when I found out the truth. But you have to watch out. They're tricky. They can actually trap people in morphs with evil mind powers."

"Like, since when?" Ellie asked.

Rissa chuckled darkly. "Anyone remember David?" She started crying crocodile tears, throwing her arms around Iniss, despite the chili. "he was also sent to help me stop them, but they… It was so quick. The Andalite used Jedi mind tricks and he became one of them! Those people weren't even his real family. Now he's a...a…wah!"

"So how many others are spies? Do they know about this?" Iniss asked hurriedly.

"No one, they all…WAH! Good God, why? Why?" Rissa bawled.

Ellie whispered into her ear, "Aren't you like overdoing it?"

"Nope," Rissa winked. "Wait, I filled Sargimf in on it."

"Like, totally figures," Ellie scoffed.

In fifteen minutes, the group was called for, which was Sargimf added into the group. "Did you guys catch him setting up another tape in the girl's restroom?"

"No, Sar, he knows all the dirty little secrets we've kept from him," Rissa muttered.

"All of them?" Sargimf gulped. "Don't tell the Visser. We aren't traitors, and Rissa is, eh, well, she's a Yeerk at heart. It's not what you think!"

"He knows that we were both sent by the Emperor as special spies, me being unable to bear a Yeerk on my brain, to sniff out the Andalite Bandits' true identity. We couldn't tell anyone cause it would humiliate the Vissers," Rissa explained.

"Then it is what you think," Sargimf said.

"And you better watch out. Their ringleader is the awful Blonde Witch, Rachel," Rissa said. "She's the grizzly. I've watched her murder dozens without blinking an eye."

"No, it's the monkey man, Marco. He's wickedly clever for a moron and has a slippery tongue," Sargimf warned.

"It's the hawk-boy. He's a complete jerk," Ellie snarled.

"No, it's Jake, the leader. He controls them all," Rissa said.

"Wait, you just said it was Rachel," Iniss muttered, confused.

"Well, yeah, but she can control people's minds," Rissa said.

"Okay, okay, I'll call in the Yeerk troops for this," Iniss said. "Now keep them busy so I can get this settled."

"But what about Cassie?" Sargimf asked.

"What about her?" Ellie asked.

"She's completely innocent. She was brainwashed by those cretins," the Hork-Bajir said.

"Like, woah. She almost like ripped off your leg," Ellie scolded. "And like, she isn't even like your species!"

"Neither is Rissa. Besides a stubborn woman is hot," Sargimf defended. "And she DID help Aftran…from what a little dragon told me."

"Fine, fine. We'll see about her," Iniss muttered, before picking up the phone and dialing a number. "Hello? Visser Three? No, no, Visser One isn't trying to kill me at the moment. You know how you want to catch the Bandits…? Uh, Visser, could you turn down the volume…"

"Wow. Emperor spy huh?" Sargimf asked, before snickering. "I wonder if they'll actually buy that--"

"ANDALITE BANDITS THIS IS THE YEERK ARMADA!" a Hork-Bajir outside yelled. "COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS OR HOOVES OR FLIPPERS UP!"

Suddenly outside, a crowd of assorted animals appeared, a tiger, wolf, grizzly bear, hawk, gorilla, and Andalite fighting against the crowded Bug Fighters. Strangely enough, they put up a good front and the Yeerks were requesting back up.

"No fear! Iniss 226 is here!" Iniss crowed, leaping into the crowd with a baseball bat. He flew at the gorilla. WHAM! The big primate went down with a single blow and Iniss screamed in triumph.

"Get him, like, Rum Tum!" Ellie cried.

(You're going down, Yeerk,) Rachel hissed in thought-speak. (Take that!) She tripped on the grass and slid into a Bug Fighter. (Whoops.)

"Take that yourself!" Iniss yelled, slugging the bear fearlessly into the eye. KO! "I'm not supposed to hit a girl, but…well I'll make an exception." He quickly made work of the rest of the squadron, except the wolf.

"WAY TO GO INISS!" the crowd of assorted Yeerks cheered.

(Cassie, you stupid canine, do something!) Marco yelled.

"Are you talking to me?" she asked, demorphing out of the wolf's shape.

"Okay, you have a choice," a Hork-Bajir said. "Tell us all you know, including the Blue Cube's location, or be sent off to become a host."

"I'll talk," she said. "But I get immunity, right?"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Jake cried, as he and the others were led away in handcuffs and braces.

"Selling you dorks out and saving myself, are you blind?" she scoffed. "Besides, you never cared about anything besides being Mr. Boss. Ugh."

"I can't be a host!" Rachel whined. "A Yeerk will make my head look fat!"

"Too late for that," Marco taunted.

"Shut up!" she snapped, as they were led away to the cheering of the Yeerks.

"Why did I even stay with those freaks?' Cassie pondered.

"Jake's like a real hottie?" Ellie suggested.

"Oh, that's it."

Visser Three appeared out of nowhere in the crowd and clapped Iniss on the shoulder. (You've done great for our cause. I now declare Iniss the Visser of Earth!) He placed a crown on the vice principal Controller's head, much to the joy of the crowd.

"Thank you my loyal subjects!" Iniss howled. "Let's dance the night away!"

"But it's the day right now," T.E. said.

"Then we dance both!" Iniss declared.

"Oh, let me dance with you, you sexy piece of Yeerk meat!" Cassie cried.

"No me! I love you Iniss!" Rissa cried with glee.

Ellie shoved them away. "No, me. I'm your most worthy fan."

"Hey, ladies, there's enough of this Yeerk to go around. After all, the Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast," Iniss said, adding a seductive purr.

"No, it is I who shall bed with you!" Visser One said, ripping off her clothes and striding unembarrassed towards the hero. "Take me, Iniss. INISS! INISS! INISS GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OUT OF BED! AND GET OFF ME!"

Iniss stumbled awake and realized his cheek was pressed against a familiar furry face, with angry green eyes and a shiny, shape blade. "Eh, hello Visser."

(GET YOUR HAND OFF MY HINDQUARTERS!) Visser Three hissed. (WHAT WERE YOU DREAMING OF THIS TIME!?)

Iniss blinked. "I can't remember. Something with cats and chili."


End file.
